Desperately Seeking Twinkies: A Zombieland review

Anybody who takes even five minutes getting to know me will quickly find out that I have a morbid fascination/obsession with all things zombies whether they come in the form of video games, movies, Living Dead Dolls, or Max Brooks novels.

When the British parody, Shaun of the Dead, came out in theatres back in 2004, I knew the legion of zombie fanatics would be in for a real treat. Not only is British humor, more often than not, incredibly well-written, witty, and smart (Absolutely Fabulous, Coupling) but the film itself satirized just about every aspect of the zombie genre itself and it didn't have to resort to overrated fraternity humor that seems to run rampant through American comedies nowadays.

Dare I say that Zombieland is on par with the brilliance that was Shaun of the Dead? I do, indeed. Let me preface anything that I say about this film by first expressing the fact that I have not had this much fun at a screening or suffered uncontrollable fits of laughter in such a way than I did during this movie.



Zombieland begins with an unknown viral plague already having consumed most of civilization and turning the populace into ravenous cannibals. Enter the IBS suffering, World of Warcraft playing, over-analytical Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) who guages everything he does based on a set of self-inscribed, zombie survival rules that he has compiled in a small spiral notebook. Before long, he comes across fellow survivor and all-around redneck, Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson) whose relentless obsession with finding the world's last remaining supplies of Hostess Twinkies is a completely ridiculous subplot that one cannot help but laugh at. Sister scam artists, Wichita (Emma Stone) and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin), are soon thrown into the mix after jacking the vehicle and weapons belonging to our original "odd-couple" survivors that were previously mentioned. What follows from this point is some of the most clever writing and line delivery that I have seen in a comedy in ages.

The modern, pop culture references are plentiful which gives the film a more genuine and authentic feel (I mean as genuine and authentic as one could make a zombie movie feel). The characters never take themselves too seriously and remain true to who they were prior to the apocalypse (amusing flashbacks provide insight into their previous lives).



At the conclusion of the movie, I found myself wishing it to continue for at least another hour. I could have even sat there and rewatched it from the start if given the chance. The only other movie to get me in that type of mood, recently, was the latest Star Trek film. I am already eagerly anticipating the DVD release of Zombieland... moreso if said DVD will be a director's cut.

For those of you who are planning to see the movie when it is released nationwide in a few weeks, keep your eyes open for the Ghostbusters reenactment scene. It is comedic gold of epic proportions!

The DC Comics title you may not be reading but SHOULD be...

If you are a fan of comic books and prefer stories that generally end in high body counts and feature morally gray characters, then you are or SHOULD BE reading Gail Simone's incarnation of Secret Six which is published monthly from DC comics.

I will admit that I only recently added this title to my pull-list with the most current arc but have been hooked ever since. Secret Six's main cast of characters is made up mainly of villains and antiheroes who have plagued some of DC'smore prominent do-gooders for years. One could, more or less, consider them freelance-for-hire. They tend to get their hands dirty (and bloddy) while undertaking missions of dubious moral quality. After reading the Salvation Run miniseries and enjoying it quite a bit, I was glad to see a handful of these characters pop up in this title.

Secret Six is currently in the very capable hands of Gail Simone, who also pens Wonder Woman. Judging from the short time I have been reading Secret Six and with a bit of prior knowledge that I have of the characters, is is clear to me that she has a fantastic grasp on what makes these alleged lowlifes tick.

The current roster is made up of some fairly well-known characters as well as some newer ones. Catman and Deadshot have been stirring up trouble in the DC Universe for quite some time as members of The Secret Society of Super-Villains and The Suicide Squad, respectively. The lady-loving Scandal Savage (daughter of Vandal Savage) and the sexually ambiguous Ragdoll add some queer flavor to the lineup. Beefcake musclebear, Bane (most famous for breaking Batman's back in Knightfall during the 90s) provides a physical powerhouse for the team. Jeannette is a brand new character created by Gail Simone and artist, Nicola Scott. Up until recently, very little was known about her other than the fact that she had a penchant for Victorian-era garb. In issue #12, after assisting in the jailbreak of the Amazon, Artemis, Jeannette revealed that she was the victim of a botched execution/shoddy beheading that resulted in her death and subsequent resurrection as a banshee (yes, of Celtic myth).

As stated earlier, Gail Simone is the current writer for Wonder Woman whose title character has had a cameo in the current storyline in Secret Six. I want to thank Gail for that fact because without Wonder Woman's presence, we wouldn't have been treated to the following panels featuring Ragdoll taking an active interest in the iconic hero's wardrobe.

... the fuck?!

Behold the creature that will surely haunt my night-terrors for the rest of my life...



Yes... you are seeing it correctly. That is indeed a snake with a leg and a clawed foot. The snake's discovery story seriously sounds like it should have been included as a deleted scene on the Slither DVD.

Submitted for your approval... 66-year-old Duan Qiongxiu was sleeping soundly in her bed on what should have been a normal night in Suining, Southwest China. She was startled from her slumber by a strange scratching sound coming from the darkness of the room.

Says Mrs. Duan; "I turned on the light and saw this monster working its way along the wall using his claw."

Apparently, Mrs. Duan was so terrified by her discovery that she beat the snake to death with a shoe. Personally, had it been me, I not only would have bludgeoned the snake to death, but I probably would have razed the entire house to the ground for fear that this thing had bred and its offspring were gestating in the walls.

The leg/claw appears to be a mutation and not part of some freakish new species that would no doubt find itself the center of a Mystery Science 3000 feature. While mutations are not completely uncommon in snakes, they appear more often as a second head which forms similarly to how Siamese twins are developed in humans. These animals often have very little chance of survival in the wild mostly due to the fact that the heads tend to attack each other.

You know, I don't really recall animal mutations being a huge syllabus topic in any of my science class lectures. I am sure it was touched on but if the photo above was ever shown amongst slides of cute tree frogs or happy lil' clown fish, I would probably never set foot into a park or nature preserve again.

Queerdos wishes Mrs. Duan a bright and happy future but we hope she keeps in mind that they now know where she lives and are probably less than happy that she killed one of their own.

NECROSHA: Selene's Cabal Revealed

For those of you who have been following Matt Fraction’s Utopia storyline in the pages of Dark Avengers and Uncanny X-Men these last few months, you were recently treated to a short preview of the upcoming storyline Necrosha which is being penned by comic book geniuses (at least in this reader’s opinion) Craig Kyle and Christopher Yost. Their main storyline will commence with a one-shot in October and will then continue in the pages of X-Force while also spilling out into sister “X” titles New Mutants and X-Men: Legacy.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Necrosha storyline, here it is in a nutshell. Selene, one of the oldest mutants on record (perhaps only rivaled by Apocalypse), with the help of Eli Bard, an estranged sycophant from ancient Roman times, is raising an undead army of deceased mutants via the Techno-Organic Virus. Said army will be striking at the core of those who would oppose Selene’s ascension to godhood… namely the X-Men.

Caliban...

...and Cypher...

...have been shown to already be or soon be part of Selene’s zombie force with speculations that Wallflower will soon be joining their ranks.

With that said, we have been kept in the dark as to who is part of Selene’s LIVING inner-circle… until now. Back in the final few panels of X-Force #11, we were given a tease as to who may be part of Selene’s troupe of lackeys…

… and as you can see, it left plenty to speculation.

The final pages of the Exodus one-shot that hit the shelves on September 10th, showed us just who was lurking in the shadows in that panel.

It was no surprise that we see both Eli Bard and Wither still in Selene’s employ. Wither became the object of Selene’s cougar desires back in New X-Men #32 which was also the same issue that began setting the stage for Selene’s eventual rise to power.

Kyle/Yost’s love for “D-List” and obscure characters is shown in the other members of Selene’s cabal. Senyaka, who was last seen facing off against Deadpool on Cable’s decimated island nation of Providence, is also among the macabre group of denizens that Selene has rounded up.

Completing Selene’s right-hand henchmen, are the original Blink and Lois London. The character of Blink that is seen here is not to be confused with the Age of Apocalypse version which has been running around in the pages of Exiles the past few years. She is actually the character who was believed to have perished at the conclusion of The Phalanx Covenant. Needless to say she is clearly harboring a grudge against those who left her for dead at the end of that arc. Dazzler’s half-sister, Lois London, has become somewhat of a cult icon on the CBR Forums and after roughly twenty years in comic book limbo, it should prove interesting to see what she has up her sleeve. Clearly, it won’t be anything as epic as the scene below from Dazzler #27…

To close out this post, I give you a glimpse of Clayton Crain’s preview art for Necrosha…